30 November 2007

Wednesday I got some bad news...the basket where all of my proverbial eggs were lying is booked until March. In order to have gotten into this daycare center in January I would have had to put us on the waiting list before I was even pregnant! I am now forced to activate Plan B. I am not willing to place Elliot in home daycare unless someone I know and trust has or does use the provider. After the bad news I called a provider where my friend sends her son and I was thrilled to know she had an opening. Yesterday morning I went over to her home to check things out and to discuss her caring for Elliot. She seemed nice enough, her place seemed clean enough, the kids seemed happy enough, so why was I not happy? Because no matter what, she will never care and love my son the way I do. It is beginning to break my heart that he is going to spend more of his day with this person (a relative stranger) then with me (or Daddy). I am going to hold him even closer this next month, get in as lots of extra smiles and giggles, sing extra songs, read more stories, take more walks, and snuggle in bed just a little longer because today I made the deposit...it's official.

5 comments:

Jennie said...

Amy Kaiser! I was a bit confused while reading your entry until I did the math. I CANNOT BELIEVE how the past 5 months have flown by, and it's already time to take this next step! I can appreciate that this is a big one. Everything happens for a reason, so I trust that this Plan B will work just great for Elliot. Stay strong! Enjoy this month! :-)

hannah m said...

You are a wonderful mom whose choices for Elliot are made with love and thoughtfulness and his best interests at heart. Think of starting and ending each work day with singing Elliot's favorite songs in the car while you sip coffee and have conversations about all sorts of wonderful things. Think of the sweetness of the hugs and kisses as you reunite at the end of the work day and the family time you'll enjoy when you're all together. These are just a few examples of the precious moments that will continue to make Elliot the wonderful person he is becoming each day that you love him. Hugs to you!

Linda said...

Ohhh, that hurts. But I trust that these pangs come from the same place that ensure the kind of loving care Elliot gets from you in every way. I'm with Hannah and Jennie - things do happen for a reason and you wouldn't have put down the deposit if the place wasn't good "enough." Nothing will be like having you to himself all day, but he needs a whole mommie. Over time, taking care of yourself and going back to work will pay off for Elliot in countless ways. In the meantime, it will always be you or Dale who shows up at the end of every day. Like clockwork, come rain or shine. You'll be there. It will make all the difference in Elliot's world. My love to you, Sweetie.

AmyK said...

Thanks all for helping me re-frame this experience. I think this is how I thought about things before my maternity leave (work is good, daycare has positives, etc., etc.) but changing back into the person I was BE (Before Elliot) seemed like such a huge leap until I read your kind, kind words and it really helped me have a positive mind about our the new adventures we will have together and the model that I can be for my sweet boy.

christey said...

Amy, you made me cry, but I completely understand what you are feeling. Unfortunately, they're the feelings that most of us working moms have felt at one time or another. I only hope that in time it will become easier for you, especially when you pick up your sweet baby boy, and he looks up at you with is big gummy grin.

Post a Comment