I went to my storage unit today looking for old photo albums so I could finally compare what I looked like as a baby to what my son looks like. I found a ton of great old photos decorated with lots of avocado green, burnt orange and shag carpet. I also found my baby book. For those of you that are second in line you know what it is like to have an incomplete baby book. I don't have any hard feelings, that's just the way goes (I am sure it is even worse if you are a third or fourth child). My mom had written a few little things in the book like, "Eats like a Pig" or "Quite a temper". These are the same sorts of things I write about Elliot in his book (though maybe not quite so honest). Now that I have a baby I have so many questions...How many ounces did I eat at each feeding and how frequently did I eat? Did I cry when my diaper was changed or when I had a bath? I want to be able to share back with her how much Elliot eats and how he would shed real tears when we took him out of first baths. When I write "smiles all the time" in Elliot's book I hope to also be able to share in more detail with him when he is an adult how much his smile captivated us and how his Dad and I would look at each other and say "It's intoxicating!" every time he gave us that big gummy grin. I hope he never has to wonder what his Mom meant by "smiles a lot".
12 October 2007
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4 comments:
Oh, Sweetie. I'm sorry you're without your mom at such a mom and daughter time. You write so well that I felt I had a sense of your experience as I read this post. I'm so grateful that you have your dreamy little boy. And, I hope that some day, when you can share the details of babyhood with him, it will heal a part of what you're feeling now. You sound like such a good mom. No surprises there, but it really is a sweet thing to witness - even at long distance, through your words here and your voice on the phone.
Amy, I really think your mom is smiling down on you, her beautiful daughter, and now a beautiful mom to Elliot. I think becoming a mom forms a bond with other women who are moms, and your newfound motherhood connects you to your own mom in a new way, even though you miss her. Love you.
I am 100% positive that your mum is quite pleased with the woman and mother you've become. Elliot is extremely lucky. He will always know exactly how loved and wanted he was and is.
I realize this is a late comment, but I felt the need to write. Your mother would be so proud of you and the woman you've become. I think of her often and it hurts me that she's not around to see Elliot, but you can pay tribute to her by raising Elliot the best way you know how. You're a great mother. Know it. Believe it. :)
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